we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize