now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
