His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
