I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
