The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
