I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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