Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
