do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
