i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
