I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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