I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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