ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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