i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
