When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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