I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
