I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
