I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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