i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
