3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
