I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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