Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
