I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
