Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
