I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
