So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
