Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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