Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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