Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
