every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
