i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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