Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
