Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
