Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
