Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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