Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
