last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
