I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
