Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
