Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
