Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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