NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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