He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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