my vag is so smooth its legendary
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
