Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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