You just made me feel so damn special
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
