there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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