Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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