Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
