Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
