i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
