my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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